This poem is all Cybermum!

ADVICE FOR A CAPTAIN WHO DEFINITELY NEEDS SOME
by Cybermum

If you want bit of a fix
Of incredible sexual tricks
As odd as it seems
If you want to raise screams
You'd be the best served by Neelix.

If you want to deal only in logic
And you'd like to play games biologic
Give Tuvok a go
He's a Vulcan you know
And will make love in terms analogic.

Now the pickings would have to be slim
If you wanted to do Ensign Kim
I think you should try
An experienced guy
And leave Kim to work out in the gym.

Tom Paris is next on the list
Of crewmembers who might be kissed
But B'Elanna's right hook
You must not over-look...
Perhaps he should just be dismissed.

And then of course there's the Doc
Except for one stumbling block.
You'd have to consider
His holo-emitter
Which might give off a bit of a shock.

This leaves you one natural choice
With whom you should raise your...voice
Your handsome first mate
Is the natural date
And would make all J/Cers rejoice.