Note: This was written midway through Season 5, and is the first piece of fanfic I ever wrote. Well...we've all got to start somewhere...

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED DURING THOSE LONG DULL DELTA QUADRANT DAYS
by Cybermum

Captain Kathryn Janeway strode onto the bridge. It was another day in the Delta Quadrant and she had a crew of approximately 142 to amuse for another shift.

Actually she was never quite sure how many souls were on board Voyager at any given time. Her official crew manifest had been blown out cargo bay two when Chakotay had 'spaced' those Borg several years ago. She often wondered whether he had done it on purpose. He frequently accused her of being somewhat anally retentive and had issued a challenge or two in that direction -- did she always have to know exactly what was going on all the time? And why was she constantly counting shuttles? And who the hell cared how many minor crewmembers there were? As long as the replicators could keep reproducing gold shirts, they could probably create those expendable ensigns to wear them as well.

But, to get back to business (or Monkee business, anyway), our captain -- who had already had three cups of double cap non-decaf that morning and was, consequently, full of beans -- had to figure out just how to occupy the crew, and more immediately, her bridge staff, during the upcoming eight hour cruise, I mean shift.

There hadn't been much action in the Delta Quadrant recently. Well, she'd almost had a bit of action a few weeks ago, but that hadn't worked out in the end. So keeping busy was paramount. She'd gotten them lost. No use in self-flagellation -- she might as well just get on with it.

"Report," she commanded as she sat down in her chair.

"Nothing to report," came the reply from all stations.

This was not good. They were out of the Void. The Doctor had just about recovered his equilibrium. If only his seemingly insatiable appetite for creeping up on her with his holo-imaging device and trying to get candid shots could have been edited out when she had fiddled with his programming. She couldn't keep sending people to the holodeck -- Naomi Wildman was tired of sharing her Flotter and Nauseous programme with half the crew.

Janeway lifted the cover of the computer terminal that was located between her and Chakotay's command chairs. She dug around inside the storage pocket of the case and came up with a packet.

Harry Kim watched with dawning horror. He knew what was coming and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Tom Paris heard the crackle of cellophane and tried to become very small.

Tuvok's eyebrow sank almost down to his nose.

B'Elanna said, "Excuse me, Captain, Joe Carey just fell into the warp core," and dashed into the turbolift as if being chased by a targ.

Chakotay just sighed.

"Okay, crew" the captain said as she dealt the cards. "Five card stud. One-eyed jacks and deuces are wild, last card down. Losers must remove each item of clothing slowly, accompanied by the music of my choice. Open a ship wide video comm channel. Let's Do It."