2/97

Fine print: Paramount owns the Trek universe and all the characters therein. This story is not intended to infringe upon their rights, but I did need to write it. Please do not copy or distribute without my permission.

About the title: This story is based on the third-season Star Trek: Voyager episode "Coda." You don't have to have seen it, but it'll help. In musical terms, a "coda" is a passage at the end of a composition, introduced to bring it to a satisfactory close. "Da capo al fine" is another musical term which indicates that the musician is to go back to the beginning and play or sing the piece through to the end...a second chance, if you will.

Special thanks to Diane for editing and hand-holding, and to Joan, my intrepid sailing consultant (any remaining sailing errors are my own), and to Siobhan Wolf and Michelle for encouraging me to finish. And of course, to Jeri Taylor.

This story is for Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay--the ones who live in us all. They deserve another chance.

DA CAPO AL FINE
by Malaika

Kathryn Janeway sat at her desk trying to get through the latest stack of systems reports. Ship's business did go on, even while the captain fought for her life. She'd read about Federation encounters with various mind-raping aliens, but the accounts were nothing compared to the actual experience. One minute she and Chakotay were flirting casually and the next she'd been plunged into hell. It was chilling to think how easily that entity had controlled her mind and body, twisting the truth until she no longer knew what was real and what wasn't. She'd come out of the ordeal shaken, but otherwise healthy. The doctor had declared her physically fit and left her with orders to report to him immediately if she felt anything unusual, but all she felt was a lingering dread that the alien wasn't actually finished with her. Determined not to let it get to her when it wasn't even present, she tried to immerse herself in work. But the words that had made perfect sense a few moments before were now just a blur. She couldn't concentrate. Slowly, she sipped her tea, trying to settle into her work.

The liquid was hot and mellow, soothing as it went down, and its warmth spread from her stomach, relaxing her. She turned back to the padd and studied B'Elanna's engineering report until the door chimed.

"Come in."

"I could have sworn I heard the Doctor tell you to take it easy for a few days," Chakotay said approaching her desk, his expression carefully neutral. She glanced up briefly then returned her attention to the padd.

"Taking it easy usually makes me feel worse."

"You shouldn't push yourself--you've been through a lot."

He was right of course. But he knew--"Oh!" He was holding out a rose. For her. She gave him a crooked smile and accepted the gift, not quite sure what to make of it. His expression still didn't give her any clues.

"To tell you the truth, I'd rather stay busy than dwell on what happened."

"I can understand that. I can't help thinking about it. That alien, his matrix--he was like the spider who has to lure a fly into his web."

"Do you think it's possible..." She got up and walked around her desk, stalling, retreating into the comfort of science again. "...that each of the near-death experiences we've heard about are the result of an alien inhabitation?" The very thought was unsettling.

"That's a little hard to believe."

"I hope so. I prefer to think his species was unique to the Delta Quadrant and that I've seen the last of him." She began pouring herself another cup of tea.

"I'm sure that's the case. After going head-to-head with Kathryn Janeway, he must have realized he'd met his match."

That made her grin. He was smiling too, but it wasn't his usual carefree smile, this one showed up the unrest in his eyes. There was no longer the desperate fear she'd seen earlier, just an ache that tore at her heart. Time's up Kathryn. She made her decision and giddiness within her.

"Come on, Chakotay. I cheated death--that's worth a celebration, don't you think? A bottle of champagne...a moonlight sail on Lake George...how does that sound?"

There was that smile, the one that sent her heart up to her throat, down to her toes, and back. When he smiled like that his whole face lit up.

"Like something worth living for."

She put a hand on his shoulder and together they turned to leave the ready room.

* * * * * * * *

The sound of water lapping at a pebbled beach greeted Kathryn and Chakotay as they approached the dock where the boat bobbed gently. They walked in a comfortable silence, broken only by the peaceful chirping of night peepers and the rustle of leaves in the light summer breeze. From the beach, the lake resembled a dark mirror with windy patterns etched in its vast surface. The only light came from the stars and moon, which hung low in the sky and full of promise. He had met her at the holodeck and once inside, had taken her hand for the short walk to the water. A little nervous, perhaps--he held her tightly, palm-to-palm. If he was aware of the intimacy that implied, he didn't show it. Just the feel of his skin on hers was enough to send a tingle up her arm. She was apprehensive too, but excited.

* * * * * * * *

When Voyager had retrieved them from New Earth, she didn't know how to reconcile their personal relationship with the professional. The woman with the captain. It shouldn't have made a difference but it did. She was so unused to having anything other than sympathetic feelings toward members of her crew that she wasn't sure at first what to do about her attraction to Chakotay. It hadn't been easy to ignore when they were the only two people in the world. There was a unique bond between them that she hadn't tried to understand, but it felt good, natural. He felt it too, and watched her work through it with those obsidian eyes that hid everything, and nothing, from her. He was endlessly patient and yet...she couldn't bring herself to take that last step. She'd been almost ready, that day he showed her his boat design. Almost. And then Voyager had returned.

It had been awkward for a while, and strictly business as usual. They knew the crew was talking behind their backs, and that made it difficult to face each other, knowing there was so much that was unresolved between them. Again, Chakotay stood back and followed her lead, making it as easy for her as possible, just like he had on New Earth after making that speech about the angry warrior. She hadn't known what to think of that either. Or at least she hadn't been honest with herself about what she thought--or wanted it to mean.

Gradually, they'd returned to their familiar working rapport, which had grown into a deeper friendship, comfortable again. There had even been moments when she'd dropped protocol and almost given in to the strong undercurrent that ran between them. But again, she couldn't quite do it. She never tried to analyze why though--there was too much other work to be done and there would be plenty of time for thinking about personal matters later, or so she'd thought. That alien had tried to take her away from everything that was precious to her--Voyager, her crew, her hopes of getting home someday...and yes, Chakotay. At some point, her subconscious had realized what she'd been unwilling to admit to herself. What if she hadn't won? In his parting shot, the alien said that she would eventually go into his matrix...and that she would nourish him for a long, long time. Just the thought of it made her shudder. She would have died or been enslaved without ever giving herself and Chakotay the chance they deserved. But not this time. This time, she had won.

* * * * * * * *

It was a beautiful night and her heart pounded at the thought of what they were about to do. The hesitancy she'd felt for so long was gone. She knew what she was doing and was more than ready for it. The alien had shown her one thing--it wasn't any easier to watch her crew go on without her in death than it was in life. And while she could continue to isolate herself for the sake of command and hold back from developing personal relationships, she wasn't so sure anymore that maintaining protocol was worth the price of loneliness. Not when they might have almost seventy years ahead of them.

When they reached the sailboat, Chakotay climbed in first then put the picnic basket down before offering his hand with a flourish and a smile. Kathryn took it and stepped in. She'd been lost in her thoughts and was unprepared when the craft inched away from the dock and she stumbled a little, grabbing his shoulders for support.

"I thought you said you'd been on a boat before," he said, grinning widely as he slid his free hand around her waist and guided her to the floor.

"I have, but it's been a while." She smiled back at him, suddenly aware of the warmth of his body pressed up against hers and the strength of his arm holding her to him just a little longer than necessary. They were both a little breathless and she was tempted to kiss him then, but he let her go and backed up a step, watching her. It was an awkward moment and they were both relieved when she spoke.

"Why don't you put that below until we're underway and I'll get things started up here." She nodded toward the picnic basket, then stepped to the instrument panel to key the onboard controls to life while he escaped to the galley. The engine started smoothly and settled into a deep, steady thrumming. She continued speaking, raising her voice so he could hear her. "My parents taught my sister and I to sail one summer when we were girls. We didn't go very often, because my father wasn't home much, but once I got to the academy, I sailed whenever I could get a few hours away. I find it very relaxing."

"Good thing you know what you're doing then." Chakotay said, coming back up. "I've sailed a few times but my boating experience was pretty much limited to canoes and rowboats and narrow rivers in the rain forest."

"That's okay. This is a good lake to practice on--nice and big and quiet." She'd got the main halyard hooked up and was moving about the cockpit, making sure everything was ready to go. She paused for a minute when she got to the tiller. That had been her job when she was first learning to sail and she could still remember the way her father had put his hands on hers, teaching her to feel the current through it.

"Where did you learn to sail?" His voice startled her out of her reverie.

"Here. On this lake, actually," she replied, walking back to the instruments. "We started out in tiny boats that tipped over easily if we weren't careful. We spent a lot of time swimming that first summer. But don't worry--I haven't capsized a boat in a long time."

"I'm glad to hear that." Chakotay's laughter rang out, bouncing off the nearby water and returning in a distorted mimic of his soft tones. Kathryn closed her eyes and could almost hear her father's deep voice in the echo, her own mind filling in her mother's chuckle and Phoebe's lighter reply. They had been so happy then.

"I used to come here to sail whenever I could, but it's been a long time and it was never the same after my father..." Her voice trailed off as memories of days filled with laughter and sunshine came rushing back, bringing with them unexpected tears that stung her eyes. She ducked her head, blinking to clear her vision, startled at how close to the surface the feelings were.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay's voice held a worried note that touched the raw edge of her nerves--the stress of her experience with the alien was taking its toll. She pressed the fingers of one hand to her mouth and took deep breaths, trying to stay in control. And then Chakotay was behind her, his warm hands covering her shoulders.

"Come on, Kathryn, stop being so strong. For just five minutes. I won't tell anyone."

That did it--the tears overflowed and she couldn't stop them. He turned her to face him and wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair, whispering in her ear.

"It's okay, you're all right, let it out. I'm here." She buried her face against his shoulder and held him tightly while she cried, letting go of the anguish of the last day, the horror of dying and reliving her death, watching Chakotay trying to save her, the renewed memories of her father who had seemed so close, only to be lost to her yet again, the strain of being strong for everyone...and for herself. Tearing sobs shook her as she finally acknowledged the anguish she'd held back for so long. She cried for her crew, those who had died and the ones who worked so hard each day to keep Voyager going, for the families they'd left back in the Alpha Quadrant, for all their losses, the heart-wrenching decisions, the grief they'd all endured in the last two years. And she cried for the companionship she'd denied herself, in the form of the quiet man who had given everything for her, who was even now holding her, silently supporting her until the sobs gave way to hiccups and then gradually faded altogether.

They stood there together, on the deck of a tiny boat surrounded by a universe that used to be home, in a ship that had become their home. Kathryn took a deep breath and used the back of one hand to wipe away the tears before looking up at Chakotay, who gave her strength when her own failed. She was surprised to see trails of wetness on his cheeks, but...he'd had a difficult time of it too. They had shared more than tears earlier--it was something that went much deeper and touched her as nothing else ever had. She'd been fighting the alien for her life, but at some point amid the blur of pain and confusion, she'd realized that every time she'd opened her eyes on the planet, Chakotay had been there, anchoring her to reality, holding her, begging--commanding her not to die. Something clicked and she suddenly knew, without knowing exactly when it had happened, that she didn't want to leave him. Ever.

"Chakotay, I'm sorry." Her voice was little more than a whisper that ended up as a half-sob. She reached up to wipe his tears and he closed his eyes, leaning his face into her hand.

"Tears are good things," he said. "They cleanse the soul the way water and fasting cleanse the body. We both needed this." She lowered her eyes, not trusting herself to speak. So much for maintaining even a semblance of command decorum. But she wasn't commanding right now, she was standing in his embrace, and she knew that she couldn't always be the captain. That was only half of her. Chakotay had tried to tell her that back on New Earth, but she hadn't been ready to listen then. Now though, if she was honest with herself, it made perfect sense. Finally. It felt right, like his arms around her. They'd held each other this way before, many times on New Earth and then again on Old Earth, briefly. When she thought she was dead, she'd been certain that they'd never be able to touch or look at each other again. There were a lot of things she wasn't going to take for granted anymore.

She moved slightly and Chakotay said, "Well, we could stand here all night but we are on a sailboat, and I do believe there's a picnic basket down below that we should investigate." She smiled and finally met his gaze again. "Are you ready?" He brushed a last tear from the corner of her eye with his thumb and she nodded. "Then I'll go cast off."

It was almost a physical shock when he stepped away from her. She took a few deep breaths, then turned and checked the instruments again, knowing she'd feel better once they were out on the water, moving. She always felt better when she was going somewhere, like she had a purpose, something to focus on. It was why she tended to pace. Much easier to think on her feet, examine a problem, analyze the options, make a decision. Like she'd done in her ready room earlier tonight. She'd thought about it and hesitated long enough.

Chakotay was back in the boat, hauling up the bumpers. She gave the engine a little power and moved away from the dock slowly, setting a course toward open water where they could put up the sail. Then she turned around and watched him, the way his hands moved on the line he was coiling, fumbling a little, trying to wrap it neatly, then giving up and tossing it into the side compartment. Her big, strong, competent first officer who could pilot a safe course through violent plasma storms and jerry-rig blown-out phaser arrays was all thumbs on a sailboat. He looked up at her soft chuckle.

"Told you I wasn't very good at this."

"You're doing fine. Besides, I didn't ask you here just so I could get your shirt wet and give you a sailing lesson." The wind was light and there was nothing but open water all around, so she crossed the deck and sat next to him.

"I've been thinking about what you said, back on New Earth. About how you couldn't sacrifice the present waiting for a future that might not happen. I said I wasn't ready to accept that then. I'm still not. I believe we will get home sooner rather than later, and I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen.

"But now...I'm beginning to understand what you meant about accepting what life has dealt us. There's a lot that I've been taking for granted, being so sure that we were going to find a quick way back to the Alpha Quadrant. But I can't just go on, blindly assuming that we'll find a stable wormhole or some other anomaly in the next sector because we might not. It's selfish and unrealistic to think so, and it's unfair to the crew."

"Unfair? Kathryn, you--"

She held up a hand. "Please, let me finish." This was more difficult than she'd thought it would be. After a moment she got up again and continued, pacing the small area between the bench and the wheel.

"It would be easy to go on as I have been, telling myself that it's just a matter of time before we find a shortcut home, that we're out here on another kind of deep space mission, and that this is all a test. In a way, it's true. Starfleet's primary mission has always been exploration...we're just carrying it out under different circumstances. But the truth is we may never find that shortcut and to be honest, I haven't fully considered the consequences of that possibility. If we're to survive the next two or twelve or seventy years and get it home, we're going to need to make some significant changes in the way we work and live, and in our environment. The problem is, out here, there is no such thing as 'off-duty.' We're a small community with limited resources and privacy and we have to live with being ready for action every minute of every day--all of us. It's something we had to consider when we joined Starfleet, but no one ever talked about what might happen to a crew as deep space as we are. It's put a tremendous strain on all of us.

"Somehow we'll manage, I'm sure of that. Voyager was never meant to be a generation ship but we're going to have to turn it into one. I just can't see the way to get there yet and that bothers me."

"That's not all though, is it."

She was silent for a minute, unsure of how to continue. There were so many unanswered questions in her mind. Between them. She sighed and looked off to one side, biting her lip. She'd left the rose lying on her ready room table, but she could almost feel its stem, smooth and strong between her fingers, with thorns sticking out just above and below. Dangerous if she wasn't careful. Like what was going on between her and Chakotay.

He was watching her, letting her think it through. With that gift, he'd opened a door and was waiting for her to make a move. She could stand on the threshold forever, protected from the perils on either side, the way she'd been doing. Playing it safe. Like what he was doing. Probably safer than closing the door and walking away, but if she'd ever meant to do that she would have done so a long time ago. No, that's not what she wanted. It was safer than risking that they'd both be hurt, or that something would happen to Voyager because of it. But she'd never played it safe--taking the risk was too much fun. Then again, the stakes had never been quite this high. She still wasn't sure what his intentions were but she'd never find out if she didn't step through.

"Chakotay, I...I wanted to thank you for the flower. It was lovely." Chicken.

"You're welcome. I thought something bright and cheerful might help you feel better." He stopped, and there was another awkward silence.

So it was a gesture of friendship She turned away from him and crossed her arms, ignoring the sinking feeling in her stomach. Now she knew. No sense dwelling it, so she turned around and opened her mouth to change the subject.

"But that's not all." He fidgeted a moment, then got up to stand in front of her. With a gentle finger, tipped her chin so she'd look at up him, then continued slowly.

"Kathryn...I wanted to see you smile again. Down on the planet, I thought we'd lost you forever. That I'd lost you. I would have given anything just to have you breathe again, and open your eyes. And when you didn't respond...all I could do was wonder how I was going to live, knowing that I'd never told you--really told you--how important you are to me." He paused again and took a deep breath. "Remember the ancient legend I told you about?" She nodded, heart pounding. He took her hands and held them to his chest "There was more to it, but I couldn't finish because I was afraid to tell you that...that I'd fallen in love with you. I didn't know if you were ready to hear that then. I'm not even sure now but after what happened today I couldn't keep it to myself any longer." His eyes flickered off to the side. "I don't expect--"

"Chakotay." He met her gaze then, as close to tears again as she was, but she smiled through them and leaned into him, one hand touching his cheek, gently drawing him toward her. He'd told her what she needed to hear. She wanted this, and so did he. It would be easy to let him finish his sentence, giving them another way out, but they had put off talking about this for so long already. She didn't want to resist any more. Let the unasked questions and consequences come later this time--tonight was for the two of them.

He'd bent his head so that all she had to do was lift her chin a little, turn her head slightly...and meet his lips. Soft and yielding at first, tentative, pressing and then barely touching, close enough for her to feel the radiant warmth of his mouth and the light stir of his breath on her skin. Pausing and expectant. An endless moment stretching toward eternity before renewed contact and the brush of his tongue made her gasp. He captured her lower lip with his mouth, sucking gently and then releasing her with a soft, moist sound. Lips touching and sliding, pressing and pulling back, breathless, until she nudged him and their mouths met again, this time with more urgency, opening wide as though they could get more of each other this way.

He pulled her to him, one hand sliding down her back to cup her bottom and snug her pelvis to his, the other circling her lower back. She could feel his erection, hard between them, and rocked her hips against the strong thigh he'd pressed between her legs. Could smell his sweat, clean and musky, feel the moisture of his shirt clinging to his back and the warmth between her legs. They could finish this right here, standing, or maybe their legs would give out and they'd end up on the deck fully clothed, overwhelmed by desire...no, she didn't want it to happen that way. But if they didn't stop soon, it would be too late. He seemed to sense it too and let her break off their kiss, burying his face against her hair while she leaned into his shoulder, trying to catch her breath, waiting for her heart to stop hammering.

"Didn't you say something about champagne earlier?" His lips vibrated against her ear and she smiled into his shoulder.

"Mmm, yes. This is a celebration after all," she said, raising her head, grateful for the interruption. They had waited so long for this night, she didn't want it to end before it had barely begun. "Do you want to unpack the picnic basket while I raise the sails?"

"Will you need help with that?"

"No, I can manage. By the time you get back up here with everything, I'll be done."

"Okay. Don't go away." He kissed her again, deeply, a promise--then disappeared belowdecks.

By the time she got the sails up, Chakotay still hadn't reappeared so she poked her head around the corner and asked if everything was all right.

"Would you give me a hand with these?" He was grinning impishly but just handed her a pair of glasses and said he'd be right there. Obviously he was up to something so she engaged the autopilot then settled on the padded bench at the back of the cockpit. He came up holding an ice bucket and the champagne in one hand. The other hand was behind him.

"I've got a surprise for you," he said, keeping his back to her as he sat.

"Another one?" She tried peeking over his shoulder but he put whatever it was down and sat up straighter. "Well, what is it?" He picked up the champagne and started working at the cork.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, now would it?" The cork popped and flew over the edge of the boat, landing in the water with a little splash. "Well, guess we won't be needing that anyway. Would you like me to pour?"

She grinned and held out the glasses. "I'd like you to tell me what you're hiding back there."

"You'll just have to wait until I'm ready."

"If you're not ready soon I'm going to come over and find out for myself."

"If you're not careful you'll spill."

"Can I have a little hint?"

"Sometimes waiting is the best tactic."

"I don't like to wait."

"I know...that's what makes this so much fun." He jammed the champagne into the ice and took the glasses from her, slowly, then set them on the wooden surface next to his hip. He looked up at her sideways with an evil grin, letting the moment lengthen.

"Chakotay!"

"Okay. Close your eyes."

"But--"

"Put your hands in your lap and close your eyes. Now open your mouth. No, keep your eyes closed. Open wider. Here."

It was cool and rounded, with little bumps and she recognized it immediately when she bit down. Strawberries. She hadn't packed strawberries.

"These are delishish--how did you--"

"Don't ask questions, just enjoy them." And with a slight bow, he produced a whole basket full and placed it on the bench between them, then picked up a strawberry and bit into it slowly, sensously, an amused glint in his eyes. Fascinating the way his lips closed around it, following its contours, sliding along the skin...he was offering the half that was left to her. She reached for it, but he avoided her hand and brought the berry to her lips. Blushing, she caught on and opened her mouth, biting into the soft, sweet, juicy flesh, thinking about how erotic it was. She caught Chakotay's index finger in her mouth and carefully licked the juice from it. When she released his finger, he traced a moist line of fire along her lip then followed her jawline to her ear, caressing her face gently. His eyes were unusually bright, and he gazed at her with an intensity she hadn't seen since that night on New Earth, after he gave her the first backrub, a pivotal point in their relationship. That look had startled her and she'd backed away from it then. Tonight it made her pulse race.

"I'd like to propose a toast," he said, breaking the tension. She took the glass he offered, letting her fingers linger on his for a moment.

"To life and the will to live. To making the most of the present while never losing sight of the future. And to second chances...and new beginnings."

"Yes, to new beginnings." She touched her glass to his, then sipped, watching him over the rim. He was smiling shyly, like a little boy who wasn't quite sure he was doing the right thing. She took his glass and put it down next to hers, then took his hand.

"It's okay, Chakotay. I want this too."

He cupped her face in his hands, fingers brushing along her ear and neck, thumbs sliding across her lips, under her throat and back up to her ears, exploring, sending delicious chills through her body. She leaned in to kiss him and was quickly lost in the magic of his mouth moving against hers, of his fingers gently kneading the back of her neck.

A moment later she felt the change in the wind.

"Chakotay, we've got to change course and come about. The wind just shifted."

As if to underscore her words, the main sail started flapping as they turned straight into the wind. They were both busy for a few moments until they got the boat turned and headed on its new tack.

The wind caught the main sail, filling it with a deep snapping noise. Janeway tied it off, and made her way over to where Chakotay sat at the tiller. She stood next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder, then turned around to watch the bow slice into the night. The lake was dark, highlighted by a trail of spilled moonlight that reached out to them in a thin trickle, extending back to the horizon where it spread out and flickered with the water's movement. The horizon itself seemed to stretch forever, a straight line of shimmering black against the indigo of the night sky. She remembered begging her father to walk there with her so they could explore the wonderful mysteries that lay beyond it. Even now, over 30 years later, she was still fascinated by its allure.

Just like her father used to, Chakotay put a steadying arm around her waist her as the boat heeled over. They sailed in comfortable silence, enjoying each other and the water and wind and moonlight.

Kathryn was happy. Happier than she'd been in a long time, and she knew part of it was because of the man next to her. Everything felt more right when he was around. Or maybe it was that she felt more comfortable with herself now, having finally accepted that she'd...fallen in love with him too. The words in her mind felt strange, almost meaningless the way words get when they're spoken over and over again, but she'd never said them before. Not even to herself. And yet--they felt good. Like maybe they'd been there all along if only she'd been willing to look deep enough. She hadn't really been aware of the strain that inner conflict put on her until it was gone. The relief was exhilarating.

"Thank you, Chakotay."

He cocked his head and looked up at her sideways. "Thank you? For what?"

"For saving my life."

"You would have done the same for me or any other crewmember."

"Yes...but this was different."

"How so?"

She paused for a moment then began walking around the cockpit again.

"After we crashed, I kept reliving my own death."

"What?"

"It happened several times, a little differently each time. At first we'd end up back on the shuttle, a few moments before the crash. There were Vidiians involved twice, and then we were on Voyager and the doctor told me I'd contracted the Phage. There was no cure so he decided to..." She took a deep breath before continuing.

"He decided that euthanasia was the best course of action. That it was better for me and the crew if I didn't die a slow death."

Chakotay started to get up but she shook her head, so he sat back and let her continue.

"He used a neuro-toxin gas and it was over quickly, but I remember feeling panicked because everything was happening so fast. There was no time to think or talk about it, or to say good-bye--it was just the doctor and me. I felt...cheated somehow."

"Do you think the alien was using your memories to construct these false experiences?"

"I don't know. He obviously used things from my mind--the right people were doing the right things--I think. But everything was a little off. Even my fa--. Even the alien."

"Your father? Did you see him?"

She leaned back against the instrument panel, facing him.

"The alien appeared to me as my father, obviously trying to make me comfortable enough to accept my death and follow him into his matrix. It was so real for a moment, when he first became visible that I almost wanted to believe it was him, but...he was so insistent that I give up."

"And we all know how Kathryn Janeway feels about giving up," Chakotay said, gently. She smiled at that.

"He tried to convince me that it was his species that appeared to people when they died, to make them more comfortable about moving on. I kept telling him I wasn't ready.

"I saw Kes and Tuvok trying to contact my spirit, and my own memorial service, and you and me down on the planet. You were trying to save me but you couldn't and you'd picked me up--"

"You saw that?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Was it real? I don't know. But I was standing there watching you, trying to tell you that I was all right, that I was there, but it was like I wasn't there. Just my body--" she broke off when she saw his face.

"Kathryn, I remember that. There was nothing else I could do and you still weren't breathing." He stood up now too, watching her with a pained expression.

"You were crying."

"You had died. You weren't supposed to leave me like that."

"Chakotay, that was real?"

He walked over and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. Her mind was racing. That was the only time she'd actually seen her own body except that once in sickbay, but none of the scenes on Voyager had been real. Had she really been there with him?

"I thought I'd lost you for good." His voice was muffled against her hair.

"No, I'm here," she whispered into his neck. "I'm not going anywhere."

He raised his head and looked at her through eyes shining with tears, then brushed a wisp of hair away from her mouth and bent to press his cheek against hers.

The wind had picked up and it felt like they were flying along the lake's surface. Not quite as fast as her heart was beating but close. She lowered her head and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder before turning around and leaning back into him, crossing her arms to link hands with his across her waist. One of the lake's islands was visible on the horizon, slowly growing larger as they approached. If it was the one she thought it was, there was a nice cove where they could--

She gasped as his mouth found the sensitive area at the base of her neck, sending little shivers through her body. He slid one hand up to cup a breast lightly, tentatively, and then more firmly when she put a hand over his and let her head fall back onto his shoulder. They leaned into each other, balancing against the boat heeling into the wind, and Kathryn felt light and giddy as the last of the tension that had kept her going for so long faded away and her body responded to Chakotay's gentle touch and her own desire. The man had an incredible mouth and she didn't want to move, but the island was coming up fast.

"Chakotay," she began, her voice husky. "There's a cove on the other side of this island where we can drop anchor for a while." She felt his lips turn up against her throat and the warm caress of his breath across her chest.

"Sounds like a good idea."

Together they brought the boat in, working quickly because the wind had picked up even in the quiet cove, their awareness of each other heightened by the electric thrills that passed through them whenever they touched. Once the sails and lines were secured, Kathryn keyed the switch that would drop the anchor and Chakotay disappeared below briefly, returning with a blanket in his arms. A sudden gust of wind made the boat lurch and he lost his balance, falling against her which made her stumble back into the instrument panel, gripping his arms. He'd grabbed the panel behind her for support, bracing himself with hands on either side of her body. The blanket fell to the deck at their feet, forgotten for the moment.

"I thought you said you'd been on a boat before," she teased.

"I have. But I'm not used to standing up when the water gets rough. Maybe we should find a place to lie down," he said, leaning into her suggestively, his face just centimeters from hers. Their eyes met, and she ran one hand down his back to the waist of his pants and wiggled her hips, aware of his erection against her belly.

"I didn't have an ulterior motive when I asked you here tonight. I just want you to know that."

"You didn't?" he asked, feigning dismay.

With a little smile, she slid her hand between their bodies and pressed her palm against him. He jumped at the contact and closed his eyes, groaning, then leaned over to drop a trail of kisses from her mouth to the base of her throat. Her hands moved to his collar, undoing the buttons on his shirt and then sliding inside, across the smooth warmth of his skin, following the contours of the hard muscles underneath. It felt so good to touch him this way, and to have him touching her.

"I thought we'd have a little champagne and talk about some of the things we've been needing to talk about," she said, moaning a little at what his tongue was doing to her. "Maybe start working through some of the issues between us."

"Well, we've had the champagne and talked about lots of things. Right now the only issues between us I can think of are our clothes." He'd unclipped the pin that held her ponytail and was using his fingers to loosen the side twists until her hair blew free in the wind. Then he brought a handful to his face and rubbed his cheek against the long strands.

"I think we can do something about that. Get the strawberries and follow me." She picked up the blanket and took his hand, leading him toward the front of the boat. The deck there was wide and flat and managed to spread the blanket and put the strawberries down without letting go of each other. Her hands shook as she fumbled with the closure of his pants but before she could do more than unbutton them, he'd unzipped her dress and was pushing it off her shoulders, letting it fall to the deck, following it down her body with a feathery touch. Her nipples hardened in response and she closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of his hands and mouth on her. She ran her fingers through his hair while he knelt to ease off her underwear then raised his head to gaze up at her.

The full moon was above and behind her, silhouetting her in blue and white, casting grey shadows across the curves of her body. She could see herself and the moon reflected in his eyes, wide open and bright with desire. The wind captured her hair and sent it flying to one side, baring her neck to its gentle touch, licking at the underside of her breasts, the sensitive area between her legs. This intimate touch of nature, coupled with the way Chakotay was looking at her, sent a wave of heat through her body, followed by a fresh rush of desire.

"You look absolutely gorgeous that way."

She blushed and looked down shyly.

"And you look like you're still half-dressed."

"You're changing the subject."

"I know. Captain's prerogative."

"I still think you're beautiful," he said, standing up to slide his pants over his hips and kick them off before standing back to let her look at him the way he'd done with her a moment before.

"So are you."

"Not me. Men can be...handsome, and rugged, and dashing, and intelligent, and--" She laughed and swatted at him.

"Modest."

"Of course." She was entranced by the dimples playing around his mouth when he spoke. "But men can't be beautiful."

"Oh yes they can. And you are. Now come over here and kiss me."

One step and he was crushing her to him, skin to skin, mouth to mouth. His back hard and strong beneath her searching hands, the muscles of his lower back tensing as he rolled his pelvis against her. She let her hands wander further down then around to his erection which reared up, inviting her to kneel and take it in her mouth, circling her tongue around the tip and then using her lips to nibble the underside and back up. His fingers tightened convulsively on her head and he sucked in a harsh breath as the wind dried the moisture she left behind.

Smiling, she slid her hands back up his body, pulling him down to lie on the blanket in front of her, then bent to kiss him full on the mouth. Her breasts hung forward slightly, and he traced their shadows with his fingers, running a thumb over each erect tip. His touch was light, yet it triggered a powerful response from deep within her, and she moaned into his mouth, letting him pull her down on top of him. They lay together for a long time, delighting in the joy of discovering each other. At one point, Chakotay rolled her onto her back then reached for the basket of strawberries. Very deliberately, he placed them, one-by-one on her shoulders, between her breasts, on her stomach, at the base of the triangle between her legs...they left cool spots that quickly warmed with the heat of her skin. Her breathing was uneven and caught in her throat when he dipped his head and ate the first one off the point of her left shoulder, touching her with nothing but his lips, letting her feel the way they moved against her as he chewed the strawberry, working his way over to her other shoulder, then down to her breasts, where he paused to kiss each nipple before eating the berry nestled between them. By the time he got to her stomach, she was writhing, rolling her hips toward him, desperate for an end to this delicious agony. He didn't make her wait. Just moved himself down between her legs and picked up the berry in his lips before sliding it into the point of the triangle and then taking both it and her into his mouth. She cried out and pressed herself eagerly into him. Warm lips and tongue, gently exploring her from the outside-in, sliding and probing, kneading, demanding, sending waves of intense pleasure washing through her. A cloud skidded across the moon and the wind picked up, coming in faster and shorter bursts, like her breathing. Hands clenched into fists, she arched her back and let the wind take up its caress across her exposed neck and breasts as she came, shuddering violently. When the spasm subsided, she lifted her head and looked down at him watching her with a naughty grin.

"Hold me," she whispered, and he slid back up her body, one hand going underneath her shoulders, supporting himself with his elbow, and the other draped across her body, stroking her face tenderly before bending down to kiss her. He tasted of fresh strawberries and herself and for a moment, she couldn't breathe. His erection throbbed against her hip, hot and insistent, and she shivered when he ran the back of his fingertips down her side.

Wordlessly, she pulled him on top of her, letting him settle between her legs. She could feel the tip of his penis, poised to enter her, and yet he held back, a silent question in his eyes. As though he was still waiting for some kind of confirmation from her. At that moment there was nothing she wanted more than to have him inside her. "Chakotay, there's no going back for either of us now."

"I know," he said with a little catch in his voice. And then he pushed into her, closed his eyes in pleasure. They were still for a moment, savoring the delight of deep penetration before he began thrusting. Forward, then back, almost pulling out completely before driving himself forward again, filling her completely.

Suddenly, the boat slanted into the swell of a wave and he rolled off her a bit. Rather than letting that stop them, he continued his roll and pulled her on top of him. She leaned forward and kissed him, then sat back and let him slide into her body again, felt herself stretching to accommodate him, then began rocking her own hips. The boat surged beneath them, an awkward rhythm at first, but she relaxed into it, leaning forward to rub herself against him as she moved up and down. The full moon bathed their bodies in cool blue light as they rode the waves pulsing under and through them. Pressure built inside her, hot and fierce. Tightening, centering, as undeniable as the pull of the moon on the tide. "I can't...I--" she gasped as the wind whipped across their bodies. One more thrust and she was exploding, the pressure within bursting, hot as the fire of a star. She cried out and rammed against him, sparks shooting through her and out, to be captured by the wind, sizzling as they spiraled to join the stars in the sky. Another kind of heat rushed through her as he came with a groan that ended up as a sigh, filling her with his essence.

Gasping, she collapsed on top of him, burying her face in his shoulder, breathing in the musky scent of his sweat and their lovemaking. When she finally raised her head, he was looking her tenderly. He reached up to brush a strand of sweaty hair away from her eyes and she smiled and kissed him gently, feeling him slip out of her as she shifted off him. Sighing in contentment, he sat up, tightening his arms around her, cradling her to his chest like he had on the planet earlier, rocking back and forth. Another tingle shot through her body as his lips grazed her forehead.

"That was definitely something worth living for," she said, her voice muffled against his neck. "Computer, overlay calm water." The wind died down and the waves turned back into smooth ripples.

* * * * * * * *

Later on, they stood together at the bow, looking out across the water toward where the sky was lightening in the east. She leaned into him, one arm around his waist, the other holding the hand he'd draped across her shoulder, resting her head on his chest. Calm water. If only it could always be that easy. But nothing was going to get easier just because she wished it so--that would be boring. Not that they wouldn't welcome a good long stretch of peaceful space. She knew though, that no matter what challenges lay ahead, she'd get through them as long as Chakotay stood, as he did now, by her side.