CONFIDENCE/CONFIDENTIAL
By Your Cruise Director

Confidence

Severus seems subdued this evening, sitting quietly in front of the fire, sipping his tea; he isn't even reading but staring into the flames. Perhaps he's tired; he and Remus were up rather late the night before. Yet there is also a tension visible in his shoulders and the stiffness of his neck, and as it grows late, Remus realizes that his lover has not once met his eyes since dinner.

"Severus. Look at me." The dark-haired wizard glances over, yet again Remus senses reluctance. It is unlike Severus to resist such a request at such a time, alone together, so close to bedtime; Remus is careful with his choice of words, making certain not to phrase it as an order that might be misinterpreted. "Do you want to tell me what's troubling you?"

Again Severus looks toward the fireplace, confirming for Remus that he wishes to avoid any Legilimency on either part. "Last night, when we were in bed," he begins quietly, "there was a fantasy in your mind. I didn't mean to pry but sometimes I can't help it. I look into your eyes at a certain moment and I'm inside the thought before I can stop it from happening."

"I know. I understand." Occlumency and orgasm are incompatible for Remus; if he wants to be open to the latter, he's incapable of the former, which occasionally leads to embarrassing moments, like the time an image of Minerva on a vibrating broom popped into his head just before he started to come. It wasn't that Remus was attracted to Minerva -- he'd never been truly attracted to any woman that way, and McGonagall had been his teacher when he was a child, so there were all sorts of power issues and repressed youthful shame wrapped up in the idea -- yet Severus had been unable to hide his scandalized amusement, and had shocked the entire staff at the Hogwarts holiday party by breaking into unheard-of laughter when Minerva mentioned liking to fly in strong winds.

This time, however, Remus cannot recall the vision that went through his mind just before he came, and if he did, he would undoubtedly try not to think about it so urgently that he would bring it at once to the forefront of his recollections. Severus still is not looking at him, which makes it much less likely that he could read the thought, and Remus would not expect to be censured for it even if he could. There have been enough reciprocal moments when he has received a sudden glimpse into Severus' mind, which contains some entirely forbidden desires that Severus trusts Remus never to mention -- not to anyone else, not even to Severus himself. And really, Remus is a little relieved that Severus would rather fuck his former Death Eater ally than kill him, and if occasionally it's the face of the son rather than the father grinning wickedly up at him, perhaps his psyche is just trying to heal old wounds.

Therefore Remus wonders what could have gone through his own head that has unsettled Severus enough for him to mention it. Had the wolf's hungers somehow overlapped his own? Or had Severus been surprised by some whimsical wicked (don't think about Oliver) illicit (or Fred) proscribed (nor George) inappropriate (and definitely not all together) superficial momentary attraction on Remus' part? But Severus has those, too, including a lengthy sequence that involves watching a Slytherin orgy in the Room of Requirement...not to mention a memory fragment the professor apparently saw in Harry Potter's mind during Occlumency lessons, where Remus can't tell whether it's the boy's humiliation or the nature of the act itself that puts Severus in a frenzy every single time he invokes it.

No secrets, then, and no lies: not even murder. If Severus can withstand Remus' erotic memories of Sirius, and if Remus can withstand the occasional response -- usually Severus' brief fantasy of immobilizing and neutering a big black dog -- Remus supposes there can be nothing unforgivable between them. They are each there because they choose to be, despite the past, despite such intimate knowledge of one another at their darkest and most frightening.

"I give up," he admits lightly to Severus, who still refuses to look at him. "I don't remember what I thought about in bed last night. Won't you tell me?"

Finally his lover looks directly into his eyes, and something warmer than the fire glitters in the black gaze. Remus receives flashes of image and sensation as if they had originated with Severus, not in his own fantasy; it's like the difference between touching oneself and being touched by another in precisely the desired manner. He's groaning, breathless, even as color suffuses his face and embarrassment makes his shoulders twist. It's a sensual daydream of a physical act -- simple but kinky, perverse -- not tied to any specific person or place. Remus has harbored the fantasy about more than one lover, yet he's never dared to ask for it aloud.

"You've imagined this before," says Severus in his maddeningly sexy low voice. "More than once." At Remus' mortified whimper, he hesitates, then sits forward, studying him with an open, serious expression. "Is it something you think about just to push yourself over the edge, without really wanting to try? Or would you like to do it?"

Merlin, he's offering. Remus' chest constricts so tightly that has trouble breathing; he whimpers again, covering his face with a hand. "Oh God, Severus, I don't know," he croaks. "It...probably wouldn't be anything like the fantasy...could be very uncomfortable, or more repulsive to both of us than I think..."

"There are potions to make it easier." The words are quiet and matter-of-fact, but they bring Remus' head snapping upward. Obviously Severus has thought about this. And while it's possible that he's only offering because he thinks it's important to Remus, shoving aside any personal negative feelings, speaking aloud so that he doesn't react with abhorrence if the thought finds its way into his mind while they're making love, Remus thinks that Severus would not have said that last if he didn't want to.

"Oh God," Remus repeats, pushing his hair back with his hand as an excuse to hide his eyes for a moment. "I don't know. I never expected to let anyone find out I thought such things." He is so hard in his trousers that he needs to adjust himself or he thinks he may cry out, and beneath the superficial panic is a much deeper agitation, as if every sensitive spot on his body has been stimulated.

Severus is watching him closely; there is no cause for shame, not after such a proposal, yet Remus remains flushed, as embarrassed as he has ever felt. "Why don't you think about it, then, and let me know," the low voice suggests, a cross between a promise and a taunt. Glancing up, Remus sees suddenly that Severus' pupils are dilated, and his pale face has spots of color. He's as aroused as Remus, probably has been all day, replaying the fantasy, considering how, when, where. No wonder he'd been afraid to meet Remus' eyes.

It takes only seconds for Remus to get to his knees, pull out his wand, utter the charms that make their clothing unfasten and fall open; another few seconds and he has the comfort of Severus in his mouth, his own cock out of his trousers, Severus' fingers in his hair. From this angle it's not easy to suck him and look up at him at the same time, but he has to see, and the yes and want and please and soon accompanying the images make them both come fast, nearly simultaneously, so that they're louder and messier than usual.

And afterwards they laugh softly as they rest, wrapped up in one another on the sofa, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed. "You have a filthy mind, Lupin," Severus tells him contentedly. "I can read it from here."

"It's true, but you like it. You can't lie to me."

"I know." Remus' lids flicker open and he sees Severus peering at him. The burning lust has been subdued, baring affection that usually embarrasses Snape more than any fantasy, but today he smiles. "Perhaps tomorrow I'll show you," he murmurs, still goading and bolstering all at once, and it's Remus who hides his reddening face by kissing him.

~~~~

Confidential

Nine kinky double-drabbles! Mwahahahaha. Lots and lots of perversity, ranging from man-wolf sex to all sorts of potentially squicky bodily fluids. I promised a sequel to "Confidence" if enough people told me what they thought Lupin was fantasizing about in that story. The fact that nobody guessed the specific kink I had in mind makes me think it's neither obvious nor necessary to give the original definitive closure, anyway. But since so many lovely people took the time to tell me what could have been, should have been or would have been the most logical kink, I wrote double drabbles. I'm crediting the posters who gave me the ideas, but they should not be held responsible for the results! Some of these go places I would have sworn two days ago that I couldn't write. They are all 200 words of pretty kinky stuff, so please read the italicized introductions/warnings.

xochiquetzl, arionrhod and penguingal all brought up spanking. I thought Snape might scoff at that, but not only is he into spanking, he's into corny fluff.

It's Traditional

"Happy birthday," says Severus, giving Remus a box of Honeyduke's assorted chocolates and a wicked smirk. Remus kisses him, tugging him inside and locking the door.

"This is a lovely sentiment. I'm very sorry to tell you that it isn't my birthday."

"Oh, but it is." The glint has not left Severus' eyes. "The chocolates are only the appetizer. What does every wizard want on his birthday, Lupin?" When Remus looks blankly at him, Severus gives him a toothy grin. "You're the one who jokes about it."

"You're...going to spank me?" Remus splutters.

"Since it seems that you're never going to ask for it, I must take matters into my own hands." A flick of a wand, and Remus' clothes drop away; then he's tugged to the bed, across Severus' lap. "You're hard already," observes the voice, silkier than the robes beneath Remus' belly.

"I'm...aah!" The hand comes down firmly, stinging, perfect; Remus jolts against fabric-covered thighs, twitching. Again the palm smacks his skin, again, again; he's delirious, shrieking in abandon.

After, as Severus strokes lotion onto flushed skin, he remarks, "I made you scream. And stain my robes."

"I may have to punish you later," smiles Remus.

~~~~

violet_quill and lore both said double penetration; valis2 asked, "Unusual insertion of objects?" I cheated in both cases, but it's still unpleasant sex.

Dual

"Get Black out of your head," growls Severus, but Remus can't, particularly once the name has been said aloud, conjuring the phantom into bed with them. His lover becomes savage, as though Remus had made a choice...as if it isn't enough that Severus has Remus now, but wants to exorcise the past by fucking it out of him until there's no room for anyone else.

This only makes Remus think of Sirius more -- the temper, the possessiveness, balanced by a fierce sweetness that Severus never had a chance to see, just as Sirius never had a chance to see the passion hidden behind Severus' scowl.

"I'm not enough?" Severus barks. "You want both of us at once?" He shoves his fingers in along with his prick, stretching Remus excruciatingly wide, mind filled with memories of Sirius at his most cruel: not the boy who had dared to love a werewolf, but the one who had tortured a shy Slytherin. "That's who you want to fuck!"

The pain is intense, yet Remus is dry-eyed as Severus comes. It's the shuddered apology that undoes him, afterward. Severus will never receive such contrition from Sirius, though he deserves it more than Remus.

~~~~

apiphile wrote, "Silver-play." I had to ask her if the werewolf aversion to silver was intended, since it's not canonical in Rowling's books. Not only did I write piercing, I practically wrote wedding-fic.

The Metal Bond

"It's never been true about the allergy," says Remus, swallowing as he watches Severus thread the needle. "It doesn't have to be a silver bullet or a silver blade. We can be killed by other means, and obviously I can touch this..." He lifts the ring, rubbing it against his lips. His mouth is dry and his heart is racing.

Severus shoots him a look, staring into his eyes. "I can't tell whether you're excited or scared, but if you don't calm yourself, you'll make my hands shake."

"I'm sorry." Remus wipes his own damp palms on his trembling thighs. "I've done so much damage to myself, I've never really thought about deliberately putting a hole in my body."

"If you don't want..." Snape begins again, but Remus cuts him off.

"I do want. It's heavy. I'll be able to feel it even under the influence of Wolfsbane. And it will make me think of you." He offers a watery smile.

"Think about something pleasant now," orders Severus. Remus imagines curling beside him at the full moon, clings to the gentle vision as the needle burns through his skin. The ring feels already a part of him, like a vow.

~~~~

rinsbane and ldybastet both asked for golden showers, though we all agreed that that didn't fit the parameters of the original story. Remus and Severus did not care. If this is your kink, I wrote a sequel to this for rinsbane, here; I also wrote it for skuf with Sirius and Remus, here.

Territorial

"Why are you so ashamed of this in particular? It doesn't hurt anyone. It's unlikely you'd associate it with an embarrassing childhood accident if I'm the one doing it on you. I don't understand why you're shaking."

Remus is trembling partly in anticipation; for the past twenty minutes Severus has been tormenting him, hovering over him, prick aimed down at him, talking about where and how much and how good it's going to feel when he finally does it. "Please," Remus whimpers, "don't make me think about why, just do it to me..."

"Oh, I will." Severus' low, purring voice is thick with promise, and Remus moans again. "But I want to know why it took you so long to ask."

"It's dirty," Remus bleats.

"I know a potion to make it smell like vanilla," taunts Severus.

"I don't want it to!" Somehow Remus manages to blush even more. "It's...an animal instinct."

"It's a wolf instinct?" Relentless dark eyes sear him. "I see. You want to be marked as property."

Remus is about to moan a denial when the truth spills over him, as Severus adds, "My property." Remus gasps an affirmation, on fire and in heat, erupting. Owned.

~~~~

gblvr, dark_cygnet and sahari all mentioned fisting.

Underhanded

It hurts much more than Remus expects...more than he thinks he can stand, despite his familiarity with pain. He'd imagined that the stretch as the knuckles shoved in would be terrifying and exhilarating all at once, but the blazing burning tearing sensation quickly overwhelms his excitement. He wants to shove down and get it over with, before another few seconds of this excruciating slowness make it impossible to continue: he'll tense up, or scream, though he knows Severus is only trying to be gentle, wishing to minimize his suffering.

Yet each time Remus comes near to asking for it to end, Severus begs first, in the same ragged moan that escapes when he's restrained and needs to come. "Please. Let me stop." Then Remus can't help wanting to make it last a little longer, no more than he can help the way his cock twitches. He knows that his lover is hard as well, and ashamed that he likes it. "At least let me use something to numb the surface. It's agony," Severus pleads, but Remus shakes his head. He is condemned each month to suffer pain not of his choosing -- this he will feel, by choice, and share.

~~~~

elanor_isolda, spaz1985 and pitchblackrose all wanted rimming, which also doesn't quite fit the parameters. So I dirtied it up a bit. Well, a lot.

Opened

Remus thinks that Severus likes to be fucked by him not for the act itself, not the feeling of being penetrated nor the pressure of a cock against his prostate, not because he wants to be held down and mounted nor pushed into from below, not so he can watch the hard flesh moving in and out and know that he is possessed by a werewolf, not to be used by someone neither for the Order nor the Death-Eaters but only for pleasure, not because submission or shame or discipline or masochism offer him release, though sometimes all of that is true; but because Severus knows that, when Remus has finished, he will put him on his belly with his legs spread, knees bent slightly, and Remus will touch his tongue to the stretched entrance, tasting gently at first because something inside himself stronger than the wolf craves that flavor of himself inside his lover, something that makes him want more and more licking there over and over, soothing the swelling, fitting the pucker of his lips close and letting his tongue sneak inside, there, so much softer there don't stop until it breaks Severus even as it heals him.

~~~~

mulberry_fields, timetiger, cordeliadelayne, ovisaries and perkypaduan all had wolf sex on the brain. I really expected Snape to balk at that -- he always has before. Seems his kinks have evolved.

Acuity

Under Wolfsbane, the hours pass as in a trance. Moony is scarcely aware of his keeper nearby. Remus thinks it is for the best that he moves sluggishly; he still sees himself occasionally in Severus' mind the way the boy saw him many years ago, a bloodthirsty monster. He wants nothing to bring those memories back to their full intensity.

One night Moony wakes to a hand stroking him, moving through the sparse fur on his belly toward a quivering, responsive prick. The fingers tug him to a rapid, thick ejaculation, which he then licks from the trembling palm. When Remus wakes, he wonders if it was a dream, and dares not ask.

Weeks pass. In his next moon-fever, he fancies a warm mouth taking him in, using lips and tongue to examine through his skin the bone not found in humans, tasting the fluid that comes spurting out. He has the same dream a month later, waking with traces of saliva on himself.

When Severus asks whether a wolf's anus is as sensitive as a human's, Remus replies he'd be happy to experiment. He comes to himself in restraints, being mounted and subdued; and when he transforms, he remembers.

~~~~

fictualities suggested "vanilla sex while both partners are dressed as accountants." seleneheart mentioned Remus being the sub. Obviously what follows is not my fault.

Accounting

"Tell me again why we're doing this."

"Because the head of this firm is a Death-Eater."

"A Death-Eater disguised as a gay Muggle accountant. Lupin, were you drunk or was the headmaster when he told you this?"

"Neither."

"And you are groping me in this conference room because...?"

"The Death-Eater is watching us through that wall via magical means. Shacklebolt and the others can seize him as soon as he's spotted by a Muggle."

"Why can't they seize him now? If he's watching us through that wall, he's defying several Ministry edicts on the use of magic in Muggle establishments."

"We can't be sure of a conviction unless he's caught in flagrant violation, requiring a memory erasure to prevent trauma...what are you doing..."

"The trauma of seeing you bent over and buggered?"

"Severus! We aren't supposed to..."

"Think he's watching now? I'm sure he's admiring this..."

"...oh!"

"I'm going to need my wand for a lubrication charm, will that get me in trouble with the Ministry of Magic? Madefacio! Ahh -- so tight..."

"You'll...make me stain my...Severus!"

"You're an impressive fuck, Lupin, but a terrible liar. Give me some credit -- no Death-Eater would ever pose as an accountant."

~~~~

And istalksnape, who is an absolute genius in the kink department, wrote, "maybe something involving polyjuice? like they switch bodies. i like the idea of doing stuff with your own body." I owe her a much longer story on this theme.

Empathic

Remus looks at his own body through Severus' eyes, wincing. His scars are every bit as ugly as the mirror has always told him that they are. Yet the gold-flecked eyes facing him merely look surprised, not displeased. Could Severus not see that he was no longer the awkward boy he had been?

Remus is not attracted to the familiar foreign body standing opposite him, but this is Severus, after all, and Remus could love him cloaked in any flesh, even his own. He starts to reach out, but is given pause by an unfamiliar pain in his arm. It's only when he touches the tattoo and shudders that Severus flinches, tightening his shoulders in that familiar way, even in an unfamiliar form.

They don't make love; they touch each other everywhere instead, watching one another's faces when they're not too embarrassed to look. It's easiest to suck each other, avoiding eye contact, lying on the bed like a snake swallowing its own tail. Remus is rather relieved when it's over and he reverts to the body he's used to, with all its flaws. Unthinking, he strokes his arm.

"I'd like to try this," Severus says, "at the full moon."