Having read several reports of the upcoming Janeway/holo-lover episode, we thought we might offer a few choice words on the subject...

HOLLOW HOLO-LOVE
by Your Cruise Director and Cybermum

It seems when one travels through space
One has to avoid the embrace
Of one's sexy first mate
Who would like to relate
If he could only get to first base.

One tries to find a substitute
To assuage an urge so acute
That one contemplates sex
On the ships holo-decks
In lieu of that guy in the suit.

When searching for programs so quaint
One should be aware of the taint
Of the humiliation
Which could follow elation
Should the crew learn one's not a saint.

When mired in holo-addiction
One might try some older fiction
Where characters historic
Speak in terms metaphoric -
Suggestive speech couched in diction.

One could access the novel "Jane Eyre"
Moaning "Rochester..." into thin air
Or try "Wuthering Heights"
With its angsty delights
And enjoy all those depths of despair.

Imagine how sweet it might sound
"Oh my heart, sir is all in a pound
And my eyelids do flutter
At the love words you utter"
As you sink with a sigh to the ground.

But then no matter how horny
One might be, this could be corny.
And one might risk one's cover
To find a holo-lover
To seduce in words more porn-y.

One can have in one's little black book
A pirate, a rogue, and a crook
Who know nothing at all
Of a ship's protocol
And know how to have fun in a nook.

A lover who knows how to use
Those sexual aids that amuse
Captains who abstain
And wish to remain
Celibate models for their crews.

Another unlooked for reward
Of holo-love can't be ignored
One can vary the menu
As well as the venue
And therefore avoid being bored.

So if one must seek one's release
In order to find inner peace
And one can't philander
With one's own commander
For fear of the Star Fleet police -

One might as well use the resource
Available to one. Of course
There's far less satisfaction
In holo-deck action
It's merely a laser light source.