Another masterful idea from Cybermum's evil mind written in alternating pairs of stanzas online. This is based loosely on "The Fight," owned by Paramount, but we had more fun with it than they did.
ON THE ROPES
by Your Cruise Director and Cybermum
When Chakotay is feeling quite horny
And the Captain's reaction is thorny,
He gets rather low-tech
In the ship's holodeck
And programs in a small boxing tourney.
Before starting he runs an extension
Of the warm-up--it's his own invention--
Before each of his tussles,
He takes care of his muscles
With a masseuse to work off the tension.
One day the captain got curious
About what sort of exercise spurious
Her loyal Chakotay
Indulged in off-duty,
So she walked in...and oh was she furious!
"Commander," cried Janeway in shock,
"I didn't know you were a jock.
I thought you might hike
And I know you do like
One or two games of shuttlecock.
But to see you like this, in your shorts
Is a vision that really distorts
My impression of you
As a peaceful man who
Wouldn't like this most violent of sports."
"But Captain," he whined, "all this stress
Is causing my hormones distress.
And since I can't let go
With my lovely CO,
I do this to unwind, I confess.
I won't even get up my hopes
That you'll let me show you the ropes,
But if you'd like a fling--
Err--a round in the ring--
Then I promise no illegal gropes."
So Kathryn climbed into the square,
Her opponent she planned to out-stare;
But just like Ali
He could sting like a bee
And the captain was caught, unaware.
Her defense was extremely heart-felt
As she dodged to avoid every pelt.
She tried to stay cool
As she shouted the rule,
"No touching me below the belt!"
But after some half-hearted fighting
Which Chakotay found quite unexciting,
He decided to tickle
His ever-so-fickle
Captain...whom he then found requiting.
And after she heard just one giggle
And found that she could make him jiggle,
She dropped him with a splat
Down onto the mat
Where under her hands he did wriggle.
"Why Captain," said he in surprise,
"What is it I see in your eyes?
Is that gaze disgust...
Oh my goodness, it's lust!"
And Chakotay began to arise.
She responded with enthusiasm
And no trace of her normal sarcasm.
Kathryn tried to hold back
But he kept her on track
As she raced towards a major orgasm.
"Chakotay," she gasped, "Please, not here
On this sticky gym floor, for I fear
All the blood and the sweat
And the towels so wet
Leave an odor I don't much want near."
And although he suspected his socks
Smelled as bad as the worst holo-jocks,
Chak was glad to obey her
And willingly splay her
On the ropes which enclosed their love-box.
Chakotay did not even tarry
Or ask his true love would she marry;
He feared no reprisal
As she bounced on the sisal
His technique was thrust rather than parry.
His demeanor was not taciturn,
Their bodies did twist and then churn.
Their passion was violent,
She could not remain silent,
"Chakotay, watch out for rope burn!"
But he was so lost in his love
While humping below and above,
Boinking and bopping
And not even stopping
Even to remove his left glove,
That as he approached culmination
He could not abide the frustration
Of slowing his slide
To protect her backside
From the marks of their copulation.
So near were they now to eruption
They did not even feel the disruption
When Tuvok did arrive
They were in over-drive
There would be no coitus interruption.
"Ahem," said the Vulcan so stoic,
"Your behaviour is Palaeozoic.
I'd expect something more
Than this mess on the floor
From a pair of commanders heroic."
But his statement fell on deaf ears
For the captain was just then near tears
And howling, "Oh GOD,"
And contorting her bod,
"I haven't had this good in years!"
Meanwhile Chakotay just screamed,
For all this time he'd never dreamed
That he'd see his leader
Tottering on his teeter
No matter how hard he had schemed.
He impaled her again and again
In that pugilist lovers' playpen,
And in between howls
She yelled "throw me some towels...
This is better than seeing Rocky 10.
And Tuvok displayed aggravation
As he watched each and every gyration,
His Vulcan ears twitched
As he logically switched
From surprise to a mild titillation.
So stepping away from the pair
In the midst of their tawdry affair,
Vulcan control snapped
And his comm badge he tapped
To call Seven of Nine to his lair.
But the satisfied two on the floor
Never heard him summon the door
For her thighs wrapped around
Dear Chak's head blocked the sound
And the captain was screaming for more.
When Seven arrived she did find
Her superiors wrapped in a blind
Tangle of limbs
Only seen in some gyms
With significant parts all aligned.
Tuvok nodded to Seven and said,
"Be aware that this crew is co-ed
And this kind of display
Often gets underway
As an informal form of phys.ed."
Seven wrinkled her nose in disgust,
Preferring her sports more robust.
"When this mat is clean,
I shall return--I am keen
To try boxing, where skill is a must."
And Chakotay might offer a lesson
If he had the time for a session.
But in every spare second
He finds himself beckoned
To Holodeck Two for some pressin'.
Kathryn Janeway has now changed her tune
As she meets Chak each day at twelve noon
To engage in some sex
On the ship's holodecks
Where he sends her right over the moon.
So although it's an unorthodox
Way to storm the desired Fort Knox
Of your Captain who's rigid,
And thought to be frigid,
All you really need learn is to box.