R&R
by Cybermum and Your Cruise Director

One day when he'd had enough tech,
Tom Paris went to the holodeck
To blow off some steam
In a Captain Proton dream
But his own captain his plans did wreck.

She'd taken some time of her own
And forgotten to make the fact known
That she had been inclined
To relax and unwind
Sitting on Chaotica's throne.

When he saw her dressed all in lamˇ
And took note of her dˇcolletˇ
He opened a channel
On the control panel
And hailed her XO Chakotay.

Then he walked straight into the program,
And greeted Janeway: "Good evening, Ma'am."
But she turned with a grin
And grabbed him by the chin--
She thought Tom was Proton's hologram!

And though he knew that he should reveal
He was her pilot--and he was real--
When she asked for a kiss
A chance he wouldn't miss
He obliged her romantic appeal.

Now Tom osculated with flair
But when Janeway came up for some air
And saw what she'd missed--
It was Tom whom she'd kissed--
She said to him, "How could you dare!

Perhaps you've a spatial disorder..."
As she scanned him with a tricorder
He was quick to reply
As she gave him the 'eye'
"I won't disobey an order."

Just then Chakotay rushed in
And he took in the scene with chagrin
He'd caught Captain Perfecto
In flagrante delecto
Though she'd not yet committed a sin.

Before she could even explain,
In a rage which he refused to rein
Chak had launched himself at
His rival, knocked him flat,
Leaving Tom floored and groaning with pain.

Then Chak turned on Kathryn. "All these years
This has been one of my greatest fears:
That this slimeball Tom Paris
Might let his captain harass
Him." And he burst into tears.

The captain was totally floored.
"You're going a bit overboard,
I made a mistake
So give me a break.
Your behavior is rather untoward."

"I'm sorry my darling," he sobbed,
"I feel as though I have been robbed
Of your total devotion."
"What a ludicrous notion!"
But still his aching heart throbbed.

In the meantime Tom Paris came to
And said "Chak-man, you do misconstrue:
What you saw was an error,
You need have no terror,
I'd never come in between you."

But Chakotay would not be placated
And his tears continued unabated.
Watching him get congested,
The pilot suggested,
"Perhaps he just needs to be sated."

Kathryn dropped her jaw in mock-disgust,
But thought that she might have to trust
Tom's hypothesis
For his instincts on this
Were sound...and she was feeling some lust.

"Chakotay," she purred, "You poor schmuck,
I know you're feeling down on your luck,
And I think Tom is right
That what you need tonight
Is to relax and have a good..."

Chak interrupted with a sigh
As a last tear escaped from his eye.
"Oh Kathryn," he smiled,
"You're driving me wild
But I think that I can comply."

With that he took Kathryn's hand;
The Commander was back in command.
He leaned in for a kiss
The result was sheer bliss
It was like being in Wonderland.

And when Kathryn gave a small moan
Chakotay's response was a groan
They scurried post-haste
(The fact is they raced)
Right up to Chaotica's throne.

And as they proceeded to sit,
Paris quickly called for the exit.
He did not want to watch
His seniors carve a notch
Right there in the program he'd writ.

Yet he had a thought diabolic
As behind him the couple did frolic.
So his parting slam
Was to change the program
Into a setting bucolic.

The Captain and her would-be lover
Found themselves out of doors with no cover
In the middle of winter
And Chak got a splinter
From the now-rustic bench they draped over.

"Chakotay, this really won't do,"
She cried as she sneezed, "Oh--Achoo!"
He quickly agreed,
A command code he keyed
And called up an alternate venue.

Kathryn looked round with a smile
"Chakotay, you really have style,
But please I implore
That you lock the door--
I want to keep a low profile."

Of course he did as she asked
And he had his Kathryn at last.
They made their 'pleasure trip'
On the bridge of her ship
His fantasies finally surpassed.